☻ SHOWTIME

Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty means IT'S SHOWTIME!                                                           

☻LEFT LEG, RIGHT LEG

What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg? Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

☻SEX MACHINE

When im dead and in my grave, no more pussy i will crave. And upon my headstone will be seen, here lies the bones of a f**king machine.

☻ SEX ON TEXT

Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text!

☻ CARS

Man1: my wife is obsess w/ cars. While asleep, she holds my bird & say 'Ferari,Porsche...'  Man2: mine is worst, she puts my bird inside her & say 'Full Tank pls.'

☻ DEPRESSED

A girl asked, why cow seems depressed when being milked? Teacher: if every morning they rub yours 4 30 minutes and don't f**k u, u will feel the same?

☻ BAR STOOL

How do you keep 4 blondes entertained in a bar? Turn the bar stool upside down.

☻VIAGRA

CUSTOMER NOTIFICATION. As of May 2001 Viagra will only be available through chemists by its chemical name.So please ask for MYCOXAFLOPPIN. Thank you

☻ WE CAN MULTIPLY

Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!

☻ SNOW WHITE

*NEWSFLASH* Snow white had been chucked out of Disney Land. She was reported 2 hav pulled up her skirt, sat on Pinnochio's face and shouted, 'LIE BASTARD LIE'

☻ GLOW IN THE DARK

I really, deeply wish tat u r here wif me in my room, on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my.. new watch tat glow in the dark

☻ PENIS & BALLS

Penis & Balls arguing. Balls: Hey, U r very unfair! Everytime u go in u never bring us along, only u enjoy! Penis: Eh, U think its fun? I always keep vomiting!

☻ STUPID PYJAMAS

Last night I desperately missed you I wanted to feel u on my naked body. I had to go to bed without you....where are u stupid pyjamas.....!

☻BRUSH MY TEETH

I love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh.. and creates a creamy foamy liquid as it thrusts in and out, up and down... Can’t wait to brush my teeth

☻ RING

I wish I were a ring Upon my girlfriend's hand, 'Cause everytime she'd wipe her rear I'd see the promised land....

☻ DUMB

What is the dumbest part on a man's body? The penis. It has a head with no brain, it hangs out with two nuts and it lives around the corner from an asshole!

☻ SAGGY BOOB

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support people are going to think we're nuts!

☻ BLOW JOB

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts. This is no ordinary blow job!

☻ COVER ME

What did the Dick say to the Condom? 'Cover me!!! I'm going in...'

☻ TITS DAIRY

I'd willingly fertilize Mary, And watch for 9 months her shape vary, From the very first day, To the child-birth display, When her tits would turn into a dairy.