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Funny Messages
☻20% of
the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is
having sex, 19% is watching television and one
yokel is now holding his mobile in his hand
☻A woman likes to have four
animals in the house: a jaguar in front of the
doorway, a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and
a numbskulll to pay for this all.
☻Are these your eyes, I found
them between my brests!
☻At this moment i have a déjà vu
and a loss of memory at the same time. I thin I
have forgotten this before.
☻Be friendly with your kids,
they choose your home when you are old!
☻Be nice to the ones who smoke..
every cigarette migh be their last.
☻BEEB! Send this message to 5 of
your friends and you will have unbelieveble sex
tonight! If you break this chain, you'll never
have multiple orgasm again!
☻Birdy birdy in the sky, left a
poopie in my eye. Me don't care, me don't cry,
me just happy that a cow can't fly!!
☻Braindetector activated,
calibrating, now searching.........still
searching......get a good grip of your
mobile....still searching.......no brains found.
☻Did I not see you yesterday at
the mall, with a grey jacket? No? O, than it was
a rubbish bag after all! .
☻Do not disturb, I am enough
disturbed as it is . . .
☻Don't feel sad, don't feel
glue, Einstein was ugly too !
☻E man pays $.2,00 for a $.1,00
item that he needs, a woman pays $.1,00 for
$.2,00 item that she does not need.
☻Excessive use of alcohol can
lead to a pregnancy.
☻For you I would go as far as
the end of the world. Do you promise to stay
here ?"
☻God created the earth, God
created the woods, God created you too, but yes,
even God makes mistakes!
☻God created the universe, the
earth, nature, the eggs, man and saw that it was
good and beautiful. God also created woman and
thought : ‘I hope she will make herself up’!
☻HALLO, this is your mobile.
There is no particular problem. I just wanted to
leave your pocket, want the smell is
unbearable!!!
☻Hello I am a virus and I am
entering your brain right now..... sorry I will
leave, I can't find a brain.
☻Hello, this is GOD. I make few
bad creations but you are the worst monster I
ever realised. My apologies on behalf of the
whole world..
☻How would you like your egg for
breakfast.... hard-boiled or impregnated?
☻I am a killer,I kill people for
money.....But because you are my friend,I'll
kill you for nothing!
☻I am not stupid, I am blond!!!
B - L - O - N - T
☻I am not your type ... I am not
inflatable.
☻I know why I am single, my
parents-in-law were not able to have kids...
☻I like to compare you with a
nice cold glass of beer, beautiful colour,
perfect taste, really perfect and when the glass
is empty i just take the next one!
☻I once sniffed Coke, but the
icecubes blocked my nostrils...
☻If being ugly would hurt, you
would be in pain all day long.
☻If you have picture where you
look old, keep them. In twenty years you can
prove that you have not changed a bit.
☻If you really ressemble the
picture on your ID, you are not fit enough to
travel.
☻Ik would like to be a
volcano... smoke all day and people say ... look
he is working!
☻In case of fire read this
message.....................................I
SAID IN CASE OF FIRE YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!
☻It is charming, incredibly
handsome, extremely good, well shaped, horny,an
animal in bed and it knows one French word ...
MOI!!
☻Love me or leave me. Hey,where
is everybody going ???
☻Mobile sex: push 1 for oral, 2
for anal, 3 for normal, 4 for a trio, 5 for SM
and for everything ... dial my number!
☻My feelings for you are like
the sea. " Wild and romantic ? " "No, they make
me sick."
☻My mother in law walks five
miles every day, I wonder where she is at this
moment...
☻Nice perfume... but do you
really need to marinate in it?
☻One out of four people is a
chinese. If your father, your mother and your
brother are not Chinese, it must be you.
☻Opticians bend your the
rims/frames of your glasses for they are too
polite to say that your ears are in the wrong
place.
☻Read in a hospital... The
psychiatrist may nog be disturbed
☻roses are red, violets are
blue, frankenstein is ugly but what the hell
happened to you????
☻roses are red, violets are
blue, most poems ryhm, but this one doesn't...
☻Scientists in the US proved
that people who do not perform well in bed and
who have difficulties to come hold their mobile
in their right hand ..................
☻Smoking is allowed in this
area, blowing not!
☻The more I learn the more I get
to know, the more I know the more I forget, the
more I forget the less I know, so why should I
be learning??
☻The one who digs a hole for
someone else, is sweating blood !
☻They dropped your name, can you
pick it up ?
☻This cat, is cat, a cat, good
cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, a cat, idiot
cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat! Now
read it all without the word cat!
☻This is the telephone terrorist
team. While receiving this message a virus will
be activated. This virus should have infected
your mobile by now. Your mobile will be
disabled, unless you are ugly.
☻This is your boss: "You are
allowed to read the newspaper during the working
hours and do certainly not miss the job adds."
☻This sms can only be read by
someone SEXY:...try again...again...maybe you
are just not sexy?...one more time...hey don't
force it ugly!!!
☻Those beautiful eyes, that
incredible body, such a brain, a sexy mouth,
nice smile .... but that is enough about me,
tell me how you are?
☻We cannot grant you a life
insurance policy because you are already 102
years old. "I do not understand. It is proven
statistically that at that age only few people
die."
☻We will now upgrade your
brain.......Please
wait........Searching.......Searching.......Still
searching........Sorry, no brain found !!!
☻What he want, I do not want ...
What I want, he does not want ... What we want,
is not allowed!
☻When I was a dog, and you were
a flower, I walked over you and gave you a
shower!!
☻You are an unwanted child. Your
parents paid the medical expenses for your birth
with their accident insurance.
☻You are never too blond to
learn !!!
☻You got STYLE... You got
SEX-APPEAL... You got the BRAINS... and you sure
as hell got the
BODY....WAIT!!!!!...SORRY....wrong number
☻You have the ones that think
and you have the ones that do things. The worst
kind are those who think that they are doing
things.
☻You should know what it takes
to look this cheap!
☻You used to be so ugly that
your mother had to tie a steak around your neck,
otherwise even the dog would not play with you
☻You will have to cut back on
your sex live. What part will you leave out,
talking about it or thinking about it?
☻You with your beautiful eyes,
you with your nice hair, you with your fantastic
body ... o, sorry, wrong number
☻You’d better not be a dayfly
and not having your day.
☻Your provider adjusted his
rates. The rate is determined by the length of
your genitalia, the shorter they are, the less
you pay. You can telephone for free from now on!
☻It's
important to find a man who has money, a man
who adores you,a man who is great in the sack.
It's also imprtant that these 3 men should
never meet!
☻A
man can kiss his wife goodbye. A flower can
kiss a butterfly.Wine can kiss a frosted
glass.But u my friend can kiss my ass!
☻i
tried to call you from a payphone last night.
i put my doner card in by mistake, it cost me
an arm and a leg!
☻Hey
can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n
send me it, i'm playin cards n i'm missin the
joker!!
☻Hey
friend remember dat without stupidity there
can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can
be no beauty… so the world needs YOU after
all!
☻Jesus
says to John come forth ill give you eternal
life. John came fifth he won a toaster
☻A
girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come
on over, there's nobody home." I went over.
Nobody was home
☻At
dis moment in time 10 million people r having
sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100
million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is
reading my text!pass on
☻The
rain makes all things beautiful.The grass &
flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful
why doesn’t it rain on you?
☻i
want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2
me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da
window... I look down & den... i lauf again
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