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Miscellaneous
Messages
☻Stress is when you wake up and
realises that you haven't slept yet.
☻Reality is an illusion that
is born out of shortage of alcohol.
☻I want to live in Switserland
where the mountains are higher than the taxes.
☻Join the army, meet
interesting people and then ... kill them...
☻All of you who believe in
psychokinetics, raise 'my' hand ...
☻Lots of people stop working
once they found a job!
☻I am still single, my
parents-in-law were not able to have children.
☻Being nuts or crazy is
inheritable, you get it from your children.
☻The fact that there are
'intelligent' extraterrestrian creatures is
proven by the fact that they did not contact us
yet.
☻I said no to drugs, but they
did nog listen!
☻10.000 new jobs ... all tax
inspectors?!
☻Mistakes have been made,
others will be punished.
☻As long as they pretend to
pay me, I pretend I am working.
☻I started out with nothing...
and I still have most of it!
☻3 monkeys escaped from the
zoo ... one was caught watching tv ... another
playing football and the third one was caught
reading this txt message
☻My mother-in-law walks 5 miles
every day... I wonder where she'd be by now.
☻Like a rose withers, so is our
relationship withering ...
☻Keep the school clean ... stay
home!
☻Be quiet in the classroom,
respect the fact that others sleep!
☻We do have to go to school ...
Have to is force ... Forcing is slavery ....
Slavery is forbidden ... SO ... we do not have
to go to school!
☻The word HELLO means: H=How
are you? E=Evrything alright? L=Like 2 hear from
you! L=Love 2 see you soon O=Obviously I miss
you..SO, HELLO
☻No boys no love, no love no
sex, no sex no people, no people no school, no
school no problems
☻That is how a triatlon has
been invented : go swimming on foot and coming
home by bike.
☻The IDEAL man does not smoke,
does not drink, does not flirt, goes to bed
early, in short ... does not exist
☻It's the one who won't be
taken, who cannot seem to give.
☻It's the soul afraid of dying
... That never learns to live
☻It's the dream afraid of
waking, that never takes the change.
☻It's the heart afraid of
Breaking ... that never learns to dance.
☻Secrets, they only last long
enough to break you down
☻Life is beautiful if you are
willing to see it
☻A bra is a thing that keeps up
what would hang down otherwise ...
☻When my father broke in to my
mother I had to sit there for months!
☻Boys say it's great, boys say
it's fine. 9 months later they say it's not mine
!
☻Teachers help you with
problems that you would not have if they were
not there.
☻I am in seventh heaven, the
other six do not want me.
☻Women are like hurricanes!
When they come they are wet and heavy. When they
leave they take your home and your car ! !
☻No one ever died because of
hard labour, but I think :"why would I take the
risk?"
☻I love working. I can look at
it for hours.
☻We used to listen to the
Doors, now we have Windows.
☻Press any key to continue or
any other key to quit.
☻Computers are machines to help
you solve problems you wouldn't have if you
didn't have a computer.
☻Life would be a lot easier if
I had the source-code.
☻Life is like a nose, you have
to take out what is in it !
☻You need 60 muscles to be
angry and 20 to smile why would you make things
difficult?
☻My thoughts wondering off, I
am always everywhere.
☻I intended to become rich
while sleeping, but I could not fall asleep yet.
☻It is better to have one
bullet in the hand than ten in the back.
☻Nok nok. Who's there? .....
Marie ...... Marie who? ...... Marie who wanna...!!
☻Wanna get stoned? Drink wet
cement!
☻Umm...your .... ZIP is open...
☻Reality is for people who
can't face science fiction.
☻Idiot (id-ee-it) n.- One who
disagrees with you.
☻How do frogs die ? They
Ker-mit suicide.
☻Elvis is dead and I don't feel
so good myself.
☻I'm not as dumb as you look.
☻If I can be of any help,
you're in worse trouble than I thought.
☻What do I miss about my wife?
Her absence.
☻Sometimes
I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.
☻Linus is like a wigwam,no
windows,no gates and an apache inside...
☻Q: Why is a racist like a drunk?
A: Cos whatever they say ends in a slur.
☻Q: What's the difference between a racist's
house and a porcupine?
A: With the porcupine, the pricks are on the
outside.
☻Q: Why didn't the racist cross the road?
A: He was afraid of the other side.
☻Q: How does a racist pick his nose?
A: From the mail-order catalogue.
☻If
a big fat man creeps into your bedroom one
night and stuffs you into a bag, Then do not
worry 'cause I told Santa I wanted you for
christmas!
☻Smilin
is infexous u catch it lik d flu.wen sum1
smild at me 2day i startd smilin 2.now im
infectd iv sent it thru dis txt.so now ur
smiling who wil it go2 next?
☻Dear
friend! Do you take me 2 b your lawful text
mate.2 have & 2 hold.4 dirty quotes or saucy
jokes.in text messaging & in poor signal.til
low battery do us part?
☻girls
are like phones. we like to be held and talked
too- but if u press the wrong button u'll be
disconnected!
☻A
good friend is like a good bra... hard 2 find-
comfortable- supportive- prevents u from
falling- holds u tight- and is always close 2
ur heart!
☻THE
NHS REGRETS TO INFORM U THAT UR BIRTH WAS AN
ACCIDENT.PLEASE REPORT TO UR NEAREST HOSPITAL
TO BE PUT DOWN.WE APOLOGISE 4 ANY
INCONVINIENCE
☻Merry
Christmas, Enjoy New Year, Happy Easter, Good
luck on Valentines, Spooky Halloween & Happy
Birthday Now bug off and don't annoy me for
the next 12 months!!!!
☻why
do i text u? its my choice its my way of sayin
dat i remembr u. why do i remembr u? il neva
know its not my choice its my hearts.
☻Last
nite I lay in bed looking at the stars- the
beautiful sky and the endless horizon....&
suddenly I thought...where on earth is my
roof?
☻If
U delete this message thats bcoz u love me. If
u save it thats bcoz u desire me & if u ignore
it thats bcoz u miss me. So what u gonna do
with IT?
☻Theres
an urgent meeting in the jungle! Everyones
there.. lions, tigers, cheetas and ape, but
the meetin cant start because the monkey is
reading this text
☻God
made butter god made cheese god made you for
me to squeeze god made whiskey god made pepsi
and when he made you he made you SEXY!
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