☻What
kind of children do you get using a yellow
condom ? ................... NONE ! you stupid !
☻Why does a nun never wears a
bra ? ............ God supports everything...
☻If a pen is mightier than a
sword and a photo more powerful than a thousand
words, how dangerous –can a fax be ?
☻What happens when you got
scared twice half-dead ?
☻When a schizophrenic
threatens to commit suicide are we talking of
hostageship?
☻What is the velocity of the
darkness ?
☻Why do fortune-tellers first
ask your name?
☻How do you know when you run
out of invisible ink ?
☻When you strangle a smurf,
what colour does he get ?
☻Why are there so many Smiths
in the phone book? They all have a phone!
☻What happens when the earth
turn 30 times faster?...You get your salary
every day and all women bleed dead!!!
☻when is a man worth some
money??................When he pushes a trolley
☻Why did the statue of liberty
have to be a woman?The head had to be hollow to
make a restaurant in it!
☻Why is a false eye made of
glass?.....To look through.
☻Why does beer contain female
hormones ? ... When you drink too much of it,
you cannot say anything sensible any more, you
start to nag and you are no longer able to drive
a car.
☻How is an intelligent woman
called? ....................... A transvestite
☻It has 50 teeth and it holds
back or stops a terrible monster?
................... My fly!
☻When do you know you are
overweight? .... When you are sunbathing on the
beach and a Greenpeace-activist tries to roll
you back into the sea.
☻Why did God create the man
first and only afterwards the woman? .... To
give him the chance to enjoy heaven on earth for
just a few moments.
☻Why are men like sperm cells?
...... Only one out of a million is useful.
☻Why are men happy when they
finish a puzzle in two months time..... Because
the box says : 3 till 5 years.
☻Why can a man not be handsome
and intelligent at the same time? .... Because
he would be a woman then.
☻Why are men like a toothbrush?
.... They are useless without handle.
☻Why are men like snails? .....
They have horns, they slobber and they trudge
along, and above all, they think the house is
theirs.
☻What happens when a man is in
the water up till his navel ? ...... That is
beyond his comprehension.
☻Why do have so many men a beer
gut? ..... Than at least an unemployed dwarf has
a roof over his head.
☻The ressemblance of a man and
a cup of coffee? ..... They both get on the
nerve.
☻What is the difference between
a woman and a fridge? a fridge does not moan
when there is meat inside
☻It is round and orange and
says:"I am an orange, I am an orange"?
.................. a mandarin who thinks big
☻What is the difference between
a washing machine and a teacher? a washing
machine runs on batteries and a teacher gets on
the nerves.
☻What is the difference between
a battery and a woman? ...... A battery has also
a positive side.
☻why do have men bandy legs?
......... all unimportant matters are between
brackets
☻How does a dummy catch a
rabbit? ... He sits behind a tree and imitates
the sound of a carrot.
☻Why does a stupid blond girl
never swim on her belly? ... When she feels
something wet she turn on her back.
☻It is white and it stands in
the corner? ....... A punished fridge
☻What is ressemblance between a
man and a dolphin? They both seem intelligent,
but it has not been proven yet!!!
☻Why did God create the man
first and only then the woman? ...... Everyone
makes a draft first!!!
☻Why do men exist ? Because
dildos cannot mow the lawn.
☻Why do women not have a penis
? ......... That comes together with the brains.
☻Why do women have legs ?
...... Otherwise there will be traces of mucus
on the kitchen floor.
☻Why the trolleys were invented
? ........ To learn women to walk on their hind
legs.
☻What do you do when your
mother-in-law is walking in the garden? ......
Shoot again.
☻Why does one do some peanut
butter on his condom? ...... That makes him big
and strong.
☻Why do the number of traffic
accidents with stupid blond girls increase at
April 1st? ..... When the traffic light is read
they think it is a joke
☻If Adam and Eve were so
beautiful, how come that there are so many ugly
people ?
☻When a store is open 24 hours a
day and 365 days a year, why is there a lock on
the door ?
☻When you are not supposed to
drive a car when you have been drinking, why do
bars have a parking lot ?
☻When swinning is good for the
development of our arms and legs, why do fish
not have arms and legs ?
☻Blackmail: "When you do not
give me the raise I will tell everyone you did
give me one."
☻The black box of the plane is
indestructible, why do they not make the plane
of the same material ?
☻One out of 4 marriages ends in
a divorce, what do the other marriages end in ?
☻How does the driver of a
gritting vehicle go to work in the morning ?
☻How do you call a woman who
looses 90% of her intelligence
??.................................a widow !!!!!
☻Do they have a coffee break at
the tea factory ?
☻Does a liar lies when he says
he says he is telling a lie ?
☻What do you prefer in the
hereafter?...........Smoking or non-smoking
area.
☻Where are the first 6 up's ?
☻Why does a kamikaze wear a
helmet ?
☻Why does an answering machine
never gives an answer when I ask something ?
☻Why do you always find one
shoelon the streets ?
☻Why do we call apartements
apartements when they are all connected to one
another ?
☻Why can you buy sigarettes in a
gaz station where it is forbidden to smoke ?
☻Why are you behind a computer,
while in fact you are sitting in front of the
screen ?
☻why are there life jackets in
airplanes and no parachutes ?
☻What do the military do in a
civil war ?
☻What is more easy for a man to
make, a boy or a girl ? ...........a
girl.....there is an example in front of him
☻What do sheep count when they
want to sleep ?
☻What does a butterfly feel when
he is in love?
☻What whish would stars make
when they saw falling people.
☻Who invented milking cows and
what did he think when he started doing it ?
