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TEXT SMS INSULTS
KILL THAT
LOSER WITH SOME CRACKING TXT INSULTS
☻Them:
You:
|
Here's
10p - go and tell your mum you're not coming
home
Here's a pound - go and buy yourself some
breath freshener |
| |
|
☻Them:
You: |
I
never forget a face
Neither do I but in your case I'll make an
exception |
| |
|
☻Haven't I seen your face before - on a
police poster?
Look who's talking - I bet when you go to
the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to
get in and another to get out.
|
☻I
think the sun shines out of your arse.
Well, you're living proof that even a turd
can be polished. |
☻Let's
be honest with each other . . . we've both
come here for the same reasons.
Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some
girls. |
|
☻Are
you always this stupid or are you making a
special effort today |
|
☻Brains
aren't everything. In fact in your case
they're nothing |
|
☻Don't
let you mind wander - it's far too small to
be let out on its own |
|
☻He
doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear"
- but then again he doesn't know the meaning
of most words |
|
☻I
don't know what makes you so dumb but it
really works |
|
☻Your
face looks like you've been using it as a
doorstop |
|
☻Your
face would not only stop a door, but also
most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo |
|
☻If
your face had "Welcome" written on it, it
would make a perfect doormat |
|
☻If you
put your face by a door, no one would ever
come in |
|
☻Your
face is such a mess, when you practice
diving why don't you make sure the pool has
water in next time. |
|
☻Your
face is such a mess, why don't you get your
dog something different to chew on ? |
|
☻Your
face is such a mess, you should stop reading
before slamming the book shut |
|
☻Your
face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks
like the door just kept going |
|
☻Your
face is such a mess, you must stop using it
to hammer in nails |
☻Sure,
I've seen people like you before - but I had to
pay an admission...
☻Hi
there, I'm a human being! What are you?
☻I've
seen more life in a down and out's vest.
☻You're
red shirt goes well with your eyes...
☻Save
your breath...You'll need it to blow up your
date.
☻Shouldn't
you have a license for being that ugly?
☻Calling
you an idiot would be an insult to all the
stupid people.
☻Folk
clap when they see you...but they clap their
hands over their eyes.
☻You're
about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder
☻All
day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.
☻I'd
love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I
know you can't count that high.
☻You
should learn from your parents mistakes - try
using some birth control.
☻He
does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe
☻Next
time you shave, try standing an inch or two
closer to the blade.
☻If
I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to
folk, I'd say BOO!
☻You've
got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer
face.
☻You
got a face only a mother could
love...unfortunately she too hates it!
☻I
heard that you went to the haunted house and
they offered you a job.
☻Listen,
are you always this stupid or are you just
making a special effort today?
☻Sure,
I'd love to help you out...now, which way did
you come in?
☻Anybody
who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have
given you worse advice...
☻I
heard you were so cool that you began teaching
remedial classes at Cucumber college.
☻Well,
they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely
hope you meet somebody who is attractive,
honest, intelligent, and cultured.
☻I
heard that you changed your mind. So, what did
you do with the diaper?
☻Why
don't you slip into something more
comfortable...like a coma.
☻You
started at the bottom...and it's been downhill
ever since!
☻I
heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one
look at you and die of shock.
☻Is
your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well
should be, you sap!
☻I
know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT
DISTRICT'
☻4
REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN
dogs obey wen u shout @ dem
dogs dont shop
u can giv away ur dogs children
any guy can get a good lookin dog!
☻Hey
friend remember dat without stupidity there can
be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no
beauty..so the world needs YOU after all!
☻This
sms can only be read by someone SEXY
try again
again
maybe you are
just not sexy?
one more time
hey don't force it ugly!!!
☻I
look at the moon, the moon is beautiful... I
look at you.. I.. I'd rather look at the moon
again..
☻As
you go through life you are going to have many
opportunities to keep your mouth shut. Take
advantage of all of them.
☻Kind,
intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you are not...
☻My
darling, my lover, my beautiful wife, Marrying
you really messed up my life...
☻Roses
r red, violets r blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are u.
But da roses r wilting, da violets r dead, da
sugar bowl's empty and so is ur head!
☻ Do
I look like a damn people person?
☻This
isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent
lighting
☻Haven't
I seen your face before - on a police poster?
☻Look
who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you
have to buy two tickets:
one to get in and another to get out.
☻I
think the sun shines out of your arse.
☻Well,
you're living proof that even a turd can be
polished.
☻Let's
be honest with each other . . .
we've both come here for the same reasons.
☻Yes,
you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.
☻Are
you always this stupid or are you making a
special effort today
☻Brains
aren't everything.
In fact in your case they're nothing
☻Don't
let you mind wander
- it's far too small to be let out on its own
☻He
doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" -
but then again he doesn't know the meaning of
most words
☻I
don't know what makes you so dumb but it really
works
☻Your
face looks like you've been using it as a
doorstop
☻If
your face had "Welcome" written on it,
it would make a perfect doormat
☻If
you put your face by a door,
no one would ever come in
☻Your
face is such a mess,
when you practice diving why don't you make sure
the pool has water in next time.
☻Your
face is such a mess,
why don't you get your dog something different
to chew on ?
☻Them:
Here's 10p - go and tell your mum you're not
coming home
You: Here's a pound - go and buy yourself some
breath freshener
☻Them:
I never forget a face
You: Neither do I but in your case I'll make an
exception
☻Haven't
I seen your face before - on a police poster?
☻Look
who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you
have to buy two tickets: one to get in and
another to get out.
☻I
think the sun shines out of your arse.
Well, you're living proof that even a turd can
be polished.
☻Let's
be honest with each other . . . we've both come
here for the same reasons.
Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.
☻Are
you always this stupid or are you making a
special effort today
☻Brains
aren't everything. In fact in your case they're
nothing
☻Don't
let you mind wander - it's far too small to be
let out on its own
☻He
doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" -
but then again he doesn't know the meaning of
most words
☻I
don't know what makes you so dumb but it really
works
☻Your
face looks like you've been using it as a
doorstop
Your face would not only stop a door, but also
most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo
☻If
your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would
make a perfect doormat
☻If
you put your face by a door, no one would ever
come in
☻Your
face is such a mess, when you practice diving
why don't you make sure the pool has water in
next time.
☻Your
face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog
something different to chew on ?
Your face is such a mess, you should stop
reading before slamming the book shut
☻Your
face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like
the door just kept going
☻Your
face is such a mess, you must stop using it to
hammer in nails
☻I
see you've set aside this special time to
humiliate yourself in public.
☻You're
about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas
mask and a hair net.
☻You're
about as challenging as stealing candy from a
bi-polar baby in a bell-jar.
☻Peanut
prizes inspire monkey contestants.
☻May
the horses break their harnesses trying to pull
my dick out of your mother!
☻Are
you typing with your forehead, again?
☻He
who laughs last has no sense of humor.
☻Cigarette,
A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a
bit of tobacco in between.
☻A
rose by any other name still has thorns.
☻There
is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
☻Suicide
is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
☻Never
wrestle a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig
likes it.
☻Never
deprive someone of hope - it may be all they
have.
☻There
you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human
kindness through the U-bend of cynicism.
☻He
has no equal. Everyone else is better.
☻You
are proof that God has a sense of humor.
☻He
dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as
Canaries.
☻His
idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home
for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.
☻A
prime candidate for natural de-selection.
☻People
like him don't just grow on trees - they swing
from them
☻When
he dies, they'll bury him face down, so that he
can see where he's going.
☻He
campaigned to have the only Bar in his town
closed. When it did, he moved away.
☻He'll
take off his jacket and put it on the seat next
to him on the train, just to stop a pregnant
lady from sitting down.
☻He
folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy
sitting across from him has to read the news
upside down.
☻You
couldn't warn to him even if you were both
cremated together.
☻We
have strange and wonderful relationship. You're
strange and I'm wonderful.
☻You
get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions,
pushing you luck, beating around the bush, and
dodging the issue.
☻Gravity
doesn't exist. Earth sucks.
☻He
would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope
just to see the look on his face.
☻People
are more violently opposed to fur than leather
because it's safer to harass rich women than
motorcycle gangs.
☻Get
a glass belly button, so when your head is real
far up your butt, you can look out and see what
the rest of the world is up to.
☻I
see you've set aside this special time to
humiliate yourself in public.
☻You're
about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas
mask and a hair net.
☻You're
about as challenging as stealing candy from a
bi-polar baby in a bell-jar.
☻Peanut
prizes inspire monkey contestants.
☻May
the horses break their harnesses trying to pull
my dick out of your mother!
☻Are
you typing with your forehead, again?
☻He
who laughs last has no sense of humor.
☻Cigarette,
A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a
bit of tobacco in between.
☻A
rose by any other name still has thorns.
☻There
is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
☻Suicide
is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
☻Never
wrestle a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig
likes it.
☻Never
deprive someone of hope - it may be all they
have.
☻There
you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human
kindness through the U-bend of cynicism.
☻He
has no equal. Everyone else is better.
☻You
are proof that God has a sense of humor.
☻He
dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as
Canaries.
☻His
idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home
for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.
☻A
prime candidate for natural de-selection.
☻People
like him don't just grow on trees - they swing
from them
☻When
he dies, they'll bury him face down, so that he
can see where he's going.
☻He
campaigned to have the only Bar in his town
closed. When it did, he moved away.
☻He'll
take off his jacket and put it on the seat next
to him on the train, just to stop a pregnant
lady from sitting down.
☻He
folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy
sitting across from him has to read the news
upside down.
☻You
couldn't warn to him even if you were both
cremated together.
☻We
have strange and wonderful relationship. You're
strange and I'm wonderful.
☻You
get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions,
pushing you luck, beating around the bush, and
dodging the issue.
☻Gravity
doesn't exist. Earth sucks.
☻He
would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope
just to see the look on his face.
☻People
are more violently opposed to fur than leather
because it's safer to harass rich women than
motorcycle gangs.
☻Get
a glass belly button, so when your head is real
far up your butt, you can look out and see what
the rest of the world is up to
☻Don't
piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide
the bodies.
☻Why
don't you freeze your teeth and give your tongue
a sleigh ride?
☻Teenagers
are people who express a burning desire to be
different by dressing exactly alike.
☻For
every action there is an equal and opposite
criticism.
☻He's
so full of shit, his eyes are brown.
☻He's
running around like a chicken with its head cut
off.
☻You're
so weak, you couldn't knock a sick whore off a
shit pot.
☻Why
didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?!
☻Get
your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my
view.
☻If
you can laugh at yourself, you've got a really
sick sense of humor.
☻Mother
Nature is a supreme bitch.
☻Is
that a comeback? For fuck's sake, I wipe my ass
with sharper stuff than this.
☻He
fashions himself as an Insult Samurai. Insult
Kamikaze is more apt.
☻Man
is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
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