Silly Facebook Status

→ Cul-de-sac is what rich people call a dead end.

→ Sometimes I think life is one big test and I’m in the wrong classroom.

→ So I’ve narrowed it down and I’m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.

→ They should call the lobby of any IRS office “Formville.”

→ The lesbians next door to me ask me what i want for my birthday…..i think they misunderstood me when i said i wanna watch!!!

→ Dear Thursday, Move out of the freaking way. Sincerely Friday

→ “if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”…. if only all girls thought like the spice girls lol

→ I’m going to open a restaurant and call it I Don’t Care…..so us men can finally take you women to the place you want to go to when we ask

→ Sometimes I don’t even know when I’m being sarcastic.

→ That awkward moment when you try to get a good stretch in and you accidently punch them in their face.

→ Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!

→ Of all the things I have lost, its my mind I miss the most.

→ Maybe some of you girls should eat make-up so you can be pretty on the inside

→ Just once I want to see a marathon winner cross the finish line and immediately fire up a cigarette

→ Tequila Is The Next Tylenol!

→ I can already hear the birds judging me for sleeping till noon tomorrow.

→ How come when I wake myself up from talking in my sleep, I feel it’s necessary to finish the conversation out loud?

→ try to say the letter `M` without your lips touching.

→ Don’t look now, but I’m hiding under your bed.

→ Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

→ The leading cause of death in mice is Scientists.

→ FUN FACT: All kitties share a common ancestor, whose name was “Snickerboots Fancybasket.”