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Computer Quotes Status SMS

→ IT guy – (Asks worker) What do you have?
Daily Wage Construction Worker – …….stays * quite*
IT guy – I have Money, Name, Stock Options What do
you have?
Daily Wage Construction Worker – (Softly) I have work.

→ Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

→ A computer does not substitute for judgment any more than a pencil substitutes for literacy. But writing without a pencil is no particular advantage.

→ If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That’ll do them in.

→ A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

→ To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

→ Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don’t let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months.

→ Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.

→ A graphic representation of data abstracted from the banks of every computer in the human system. Unthinkable complexity. Lines of light ranged in the nonspace of the mind, clusters and constellations of data. Like city lights, receding.

→ Computers, huh? I’ve heard it all boils down to just a bunch of ones and zeroes…. I don’t know how that enables me to see naked women, but however it works, God bless you guys.

→ Hardware: where the people in your company’s software section will tell you the problem is. Software: where the people in your company’s hardware section will tell you the problem is.

→ A final word: I am not knowledgeable about the internet. I do not have a computer. I guess that at 74 years of age, I don’t have the patience to learn.

→ As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It’s just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws.

→ If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it’s done.

→ A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

→ Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat “what if?” questions and generate thousands of numbers instead of actually working.

→ Don’t explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin.

→ All of the biggest technological inventions created by man – the airplane, the automobile, the computer – says little about his intelligence, but speaks volumes about his laziness.

→ And so every one of us in the FBI, I don’t care if it’s a file clerk someplace or an agent there or a computer specialist, understands that our main mission is to protect the public from another September 11, another terrorist attack.

→ Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that

→ And then you start getting into the technical side of it and the aesthetic side and with those areas you can come up with new ways to visualise things, new ways to render and use the computer to make things look different and new and stuff like that.

→ There are three kinds of death in this world. There’s heart death, there’s brain death, and there’s being off the network.

→ Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

→ Information technology and business are becoming inextricably interwoven. I don’t think anybody can talk meaningfully about one without the talking about the other.

→ There is a computer disease that anybody who works with computers knows about. It’s a very serious disease and it interferes completely with the work. The trouble with computers is that you ‘play’ with them!

→ Computers must be male. As soon as you commit to one you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the day.

→ Software is like entropy: It is difficult to grasp, weighs nothing, and obeys the Second Law of Thermodynamics; i.e., it always increases.

→ Writing. Like. This. Doesn’t. Make. Your. Point. Any. Stronger. It. Makes. It. Look. Like. Your. Computer. Has. Asthma.

→ That awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and you cant figure out which one the music is coming from.

→ People always talk about how “gamers” don`t have a life but actually, when you think about it, they have lots of lives…

→ Dear Internet users, you`re gonna regret not reading me one day, Sincerely, Terms & Condition !

→ YouTube “This video is not available in your country”. where the hell am I from? NARNIA?

→ Who ever invented the “copy and paste” has saved many hours of my life.

→ TheSpaceButtonDoesn`tWork 🙂

→ I changed all my passwords to “incorrect”. So my computer just tells me when I forget.

→ The 3 most common lies on the internet: 1. I have read and agree to the terms of service 2. Status: offline. 3. Yes, I am over 18 years old.

→ Dear internet, Please stop being so awesome. Sincerely, I need to sleep.

→ Google turned 12 this year, which means we only have one year left to use it. When it becomes a teenager, it won`t answer anything.

→ You know the economy`s in trouble when America`s main export is tweets.

→ The computer just crashed and erased all the work I didn`t do this morning.

→ Have you noticed that the “lol” symbol looks like a drowning guy? I bet he’s not laughing out

→ I Have deleted 8.5 gb woth of crap from my laptop, But the damn thing still weighs the same !!

→ Im never having kids, i hear they take 9 months to download!

→ Breaking News. Steve Jobs is to buy Ireland to solve the debt problem. It will be rebranded iLand.

→ No microsoft word, I`m pretty sure I know how to spell my name.

→ *Low battery* Yeah story of my life 😐

→ I love Google. It`s like the brain I never got.

→ Some people can`t sleep because they have insomnia. I can`t sleep because I have Internet connection.

→ Everything would be easier if we could Google how a certain person felt about us!

→ I hate it when people go offline when u`re typing!!

→ If Google can`t find it, it doesn`t exist!

→ I`m a sinner. I lie so much about “I have read and agree to the terms of use” on websites 🙂

→ 1970: What`s a Computer? 1990: Computer`s in school!!? 2000:


→ I remember when Blackberry’s and apple’s were just fruit! 🙂

→ The ridiculous email addresses you make when your 8 and continue to use.

→ press F13……. like if you laughed 😉

→ I don`t know… Google it !

→ no matter you do on the computer you always end up on facebook.

→ Clicking “home” every 2 minutes to see if anythings changed.

→ “Typewriter” is the longest word, that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard!

→ I remember when i was a kid i went on the computer just to use paint =)

→ I can only type fast on my own keyboard.

→ Typing `lol` when your face shows less expression than a brick.

→ I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I am upto. . .

→ Do not judge a book by its first page. Do not judge a blog by its first post.

→ When we are Not Working, we are Networking!

→ the best April Fools` prank of the year: just try searching for “Helvetica” in Google right now. Go ahead. I`ll wait.

→ Smartphones: The best thing to happen to bathrooms since the newspaper.

→ have you ever had a fly or a small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor??

→ Yelling At A Video Game When You Get Killed

→ Type lol but your face shows less expression then a doornail

→ That awkward moment when you think you are typing something and you look up and there is nothing there!!

→ iMac+iPod+iPhone+iPad= iBroke

→ That awkward moment when someone`s staring at your keyboard while you`re typing your password.

→ That “ HELL YEAH“ moment after you read a text post that exactly tell what you really feel and think.

→ Sometimes when my internet is down, I forget that the rest of my computer still works…

→ News: “Microsoft buys Skype for $8.5 billion”
Bloody fools they could have downloaded it for free…

→ Hey Google………….Why don`t you let me finish what I`m typing before you start guessing after one letter…. Little cocky aren`t we?

→ pause a video on 0 seconds on youtube…press and hold the left arow key then press up arrow key…..enjoy playing snakes..!!:P

→ Facebook asks what I’m thinking. Twitter asks what I’m doing. Foursquare asks where I am. The internet has turned into the F.B.I.

→ I wish I could google “things to eat in my fridge” so I wouldn`t have to go downstairs and be disappointed.

→ Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

 A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer

 If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer…oh wait, he does.

We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

 Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.

 A computer program will always do what you tell it to, and seldom what you want it to.

 I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

 The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.

 My GPS says “Estimated Arrival Time.” I see “Time to Beat.”

 I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

 All the landmarks and millions of beautiful places on Google Earth, and the first thing everyone looks at is their own house

 I hate waiting for someone to illegally upload so I can illegally download.

 We have all experienced the pain of watching a slow typer.

 I’m afraid people can see me through my web cam even though its off.

 I hate that I always notice a typo when the text is already sending

 iTunes: I never read and will never read your 55 page terms of use, I will always agree, so stop asking me to reaccept

 Kinda feels weird when your computer asks if you’d like to continue unprotected….

Auto correct can go straight to He’ll

 I renamed all my files “the world,” so everyday when I “save” the world I feel important.

 “cannot connect to network. try resetting your wireless router” umm ok but what if my router is in my neighbor’s house? Should I call him?

 “Username or Password Incorrect” You couldn’t just tell me which one?

 Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.

 My keyboard needs a removable crumb tray like my toaster.

 “You are probably a 30-year old fat drunk dude with nothing better to do than play video games” – An incredibly correct kid on Xbox Live

 My printer’s out of ink. Time to buy a new printer. Seriously it’s cheaper.

 Why does every wireless provider say that they have the best, fastest, most covered 4G network? Someone’s lying.

 Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, “Close Enough.”

 I only check my Voicemail to get rid of that little icon in the screen.

 I don’t take anything you say seriously. You’re just an idiot who has internet access.

 My neighbor’s router is unlocked, should I password it for him?

 note to self: don’t set your password reminder as “you should know this”

 According to WebMD my symptoms mean I died 3 years ago.

 the internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head

 Playing songs on shuffle is like Russian roulette for my emotions.

 Can’t wait to get off work, then I can finally stop staring at this damn computer, and go stare at a different computer.

 I had a life once. Now I have an internet connection and a Mac book.

 Go to Google Translate. Set translate from English to Japanese. Type I HATE YOU into the translate box. Then laugh.

 Dear software makers, when you make me close my browser or reboot my computer after installing something minor, I hate you.

 I’ll use Photoshop when they finally give us a “remove drunkface” tool.

 There should be an “undo” button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.

 I live in constant fear of dropping my iPhone

 I would get a phone with video chat but everyone I know is ugly.

 Don’t make me use UPPERCASE.

 Sometimes life just needs a good, hard CTRL ALT DELETE.

 Save as: “fjhdsk” … The file “fjhdsk” already exists … “fjhdsk 2”.

 You can go pretty much go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

 I’m about to like all over the place

 I wish guys were like Chatroulette and you could just click “Next” to get to a good one

 If I call you and you don’t answer, I will sing on your voicemail.

 They really need to add a “download this song illegally” button on Pandora.

 The Windows Update reminder to restart your computer is like a little kid. You tell it that you’ll restart later, so it goes away, then it pops up again in two minutes and says “Ok, it’s later!”.

 How come whenever I tell someone I play guitar, they challenge me to Guitar Hero? I have never challenged a veteran to Call of Duty.

 Where do all the characters go that you type on the keyboard before you realize the cursor isn’t in the box?

 An Apple a day keeps Windows away.

 If your password is your name, you deserve to be hacked.

 Spitting beer on someone is not a pick up line, trust me.

 My internet is so slow, it would be faster to just drive to Google’s headquarters and ask them this shit in person.

 Hulu is coming to PS3. Finally I can watch TV on my TV.

 Playing Minesweeper all day in honor of the Chilean mine rescue.

 I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.

 If you’re bored creating your PowerPoint presentation, everyone else will be bored when you present it.

 I just wrote a Wikipedia article about your Mom.