The Largest Collection of Funny Quotes, Facebook Status, Funny SMS, Whatsapp Status & Tweets

Miscellaneous Quotes Status SMS Messages

→ Stress is when you wake up and realises that you haven’t slept yet.

→ Reality is an illusion that is born out of shortage of alcohol.

→ I want to live in Switserland where the mountains are higher than the taxes.

→ Join the army, meet interesting people and then … kill them…

→ All of you who believe in psychokinetics, raise ‘my’ hand …

→ Lots of people stop working once they found a job!

→ I am still single, my parents-in-law were not able to have children.

→ Being nuts or crazy is inheritable, you get it from your children.

→ The fact that there are ‘intelligent’ extraterrestrian creatures is proven by the fact that they did not contact us yet.

→ I said no to drugs, but they did nog listen!

→ 10.000 new jobs … all tax inspectors?!

→ Mistakes have been made, others will be punished.

→ As long as they pretend to pay me, I pretend I am working.

→ I started out with nothing… and I still have most of it!

→ 3 monkeys escaped from the zoo … one was caught watching tv … another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

→ My mother-in-law walks 5 miles every day… I wonder where she’d be by now.

→ Like a rose withers, so is our relationship withering …

→ Keep the school clean … stay home!

→ Be quiet in the classroom, respect the fact that others sleep!

→ We do have to go to school … Have to is force … Forcing is slavery …. Slavery is forbidden … SO … we do not have to go to school!

→ The word HELLO means: H=How are you? E=Evrything alright? L=Like 2 hear from you! L=Love 2 see you soon O=Obviously I miss you..SO, HELLO

→ No boys no love, no love no sex, no sex no people, no people no school, no school no problems

→ That is how a triatlon has been invented : go swimming on foot and coming home by bike.

→ The IDEAL man does not smoke, does not drink, does not flirt, goes to bed early, in short … does not exist

→ It’s the one who won’t be taken, who cannot seem to give.

→ It’s the soul afraid of dying … That never learns to live

→ It’s the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the change.

→ It’s the heart afraid of Breaking … that never learns to dance.

→ Secrets, they only last long enough to break you down

→ Life is beautiful if you are willing to see it

→ A bra is a thing that keeps up what would hang down otherwise …

→ When my father broke in to my mother I had to sit there for months!

→ Boys say it’s great, boys say it’s fine. 9 months later they say it’s not mine !

→ Teachers help you with problems that you would not have if they were not there.

→ I am in seventh heaven, the other six do not want me.

→ Women are like hurricanes! When they come they are wet and heavy. When they leave they take your home and your car ! !

→ No one ever died because of hard labour, but I think :”why would I take the risk?”

→ I love working. I can look at it for hours.

→ We used to listen to the Doors, now we have Windows.

→ Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

→ Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn’t have if you didn’t have a computer.

→ Life would be a lot easier if I had the source-code.

→ Life is like a nose, you have to take out what is in it !

→ You need 60 muscles to be angry and 20 to smile why would you make things difficult?

→ My thoughts wondering off, I am always everywhere.

→ I intended to become rich while sleeping, but I could not fall asleep yet.

→ It is better to have one bullet in the hand than ten in the back.

→ Nok nok. Who’s there? ….. Marie …… Marie who? …… Marie who wanna…!!

→ Wanna get stoned? Drink wet cement!

→ Umm…your …. ZIP is open…

→ Reality is for people who can’t face science fiction.

→ Idiot (id-ee-it) n.- One who disagrees with you.

→ How do frogs die ? They Ker-mit suicide.

→ Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good myself.

→ I’m not as dumb as you look.

→ If I can be of any help, you’re in worse trouble than I thought.

→ What do I miss about my wife? Her absence.

→ Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.

→ Linus is like a wigwam,no windows,no gates and an apache inside…

→ Q: Why is a racist like a drunk?
A: Cos whatever they say ends in a slur.

→ Q: What’s the difference between a racist’s house and a porcupine?
A: With the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.

→ Q: Why didn’t the racist cross the road?
A: He was afraid of the other side.

→ Q: How does a racist pick his nose?
A: From the mail-order catalogue.

→ If a big fat man creeps into your bedroom one night and stuffs you into a bag, Then do not worry ’cause I told Santa I wanted you for christmas!

→ Smilin is infexous u catch it lik d flu.wen sum1 smild at me 2day i startd smilin im infectd iv sent it thru dis now ur smiling who wil it go2 next?

→ Dear friend! Do you take me 2 b your lawful text mate.2 have & 2 hold.4 dirty quotes or saucy text messaging & in poor signal.til low battery do us part?

→ girls are like phones. we like to be held and talked too- but if u press the wrong button u’ll be disconnected!

→ A good friend is like a good bra… hard 2 find- comfortable- supportive- prevents u from falling- holds u tight- and is always close 2 ur heart!


→ Merry Christmas, Enjoy New Year, Happy Easter, Good luck on Valentines, Spooky Halloween & Happy Birthday Now bug off and don’t annoy me for the next 12 months!!!!

→ why do i text u? its my choice its my way of sayin dat i remembr u. why do i remembr u? il neva know its not my choice its my hearts.

→ Last nite I lay in bed looking at the stars- the beautiful sky and the endless horizon….& suddenly I thought…where on earth is my roof?

→ If U delete this message thats bcoz u love me. If u save it thats bcoz u desire me & if u ignore it thats bcoz u miss me. So what u gonna do with IT?

→ Theres an urgent meeting in the jungle! Everyones there.. lions, tigers, cheetas and ape, but the meetin cant start because the monkey is reading this text

→ God made butter god made cheese god made you for me to squeeze god made whiskey god made pepsi and when he made you he made you SEXY!