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→ Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

→ Nok nok.Who’s there?….Marie!….Marie who?…..Mariewhowanna….!!

→ The jogger who overslept found himself running late.

→ The more you study. Tthe more you know. The more you know. The more you forget. The more you forget. The less you know. So why study?

→ no men no women no women no love no love no sex no sex no children no children no school no school no homework no homework no problems!

→ Everything in life is relative, ask Einstein.

→ If my right leg was thanksgiving and my left leg was christmas, would you visit me between the holidays?

→ When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and suddenly I realized that I was talking to myself.→ Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.→ How do frogs die ? They Ker-mit suicide.→ Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.→ How women think about sex:At 8 ignore it,Age 18 experience it,Age 28 look 4 it,Age 38 ask 4 it,Age 48 beg 4 it,Age 58 pay 4 it,Age 68 pray it,Age 78 4get it→ If all the boys lived on the other side of the sea, what a good swimmer I would be ?

→ What kind of children do you get using a yellow condom ? ………………. NONE ! you stupid !

→ Why does a nun never wears a bra ? ………… God supports everything…

→ If a pen is mightier than a sword and a photo more powerful than a thousand words, how dangerous –can a fax be ?

→ What happens when you got scared twice half-dead ?

→ When a schizophrenic threatens to commit suicide are we talking of hostageship?

→ What is the velocity of the darkness ?

→ Why do fortune-tellers first ask your name?

→ How do you know when you run out of invisible ink ?

→ When you strangle a smurf, what colour does he get ?

→ Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have a phone!

→ What happens when the earth turn 30 times faster?…You get your salary every day and all women bleed dead!!!

→ when is a man worth some money??…………….When he pushes a trolley

→ Why did the statue of liberty have to be a woman?The head had to be hollow to make a restaurant in it!

→ Why is a false eye made of glass?…..To look through.

→ Why does beer contain female hormones ? … When you drink too much of it, you cannot say anything sensible any more, you start to nag and you are no longer able to drive a car.

→ How is an intelligent woman called? ………………….. A transvestite

→ It has 50 teeth and it holds back or stops a terrible monster? ………………. My fly!

→ When do you know you are overweight? …. When you are sunbathing on the beach and a Greenpeace-activist tries to roll you back into the sea.

→ Why did God create the man first and only afterwards the woman? …. To give him the chance to enjoy heaven on earth for just a few moments.

→ Why are men like sperm cells? …… Only one out of a million is useful.

→ Why are men happy when they finish a puzzle in two months time….. Because the box says : 3 till 5 years.

→ Why can a man not be handsome and intelligent at the same time? …. Because he would be a woman then.

→ Why are men like a toothbrush? …. They are useless without handle.

→ Why are men like snails? ….. They have horns, they slobber and they trudge along, and above all, they think the house is theirs.

→ What happens when a man is in the water up till his navel ? …… That is beyond his comprehension.

→ Why do have so many men a beer gut? ….. Than at least an unemployed dwarf has a roof over his head.

→ The ressemblance of a man and a cup of coffee? ….. They both get on the nerve.

→ What is the difference between a woman and a fridge? a fridge does not moan when there is meat inside

→ It is round and orange and says:”I am an orange, I am an orange”? ……………… a mandarin who thinks big

→ What is the difference between a washing machine and a teacher? a washing machine runs on batteries and a teacher gets on the nerves.

→ What is the difference between a battery and a woman? …… A battery has also a positive side.

→ why do have men bandy legs? ……… all unimportant matters are between brackets

→ How does a dummy catch a rabbit? … He sits behind a tree and imitates the sound of a carrot.

→ Why does a stupid blond girl never swim on her belly? … When she feels something wet she turn on her back.

→ It is white and it stands in the corner? ……. A punished fridge

→ What is ressemblance between a man and a dolphin? They both seem intelligent, but it has not been proven yet!!!

→ Why did God create the man first and only then the woman? …… Everyone makes a draft first!!!

→ Why do men exist ? Because dildos cannot mow the lawn.

→ Why do women not have a penis ? ……… That comes together with the brains.

→ Why do women have legs ? …… Otherwise there will be traces of mucus on the kitchen floor.

→ Why the trolleys were invented ? …….. To learn women to walk on their hind legs.

→ What do you do when your mother-in-law is walking in the garden? …… Shoot again.


→ Why does one do some peanut butter on his condom? …… That makes him big and strong.

→ Why do the number of traffic accidents with stupid blond girls increase at April 1st? ….. When the traffic light is read they think it is a joke

→ If Adam and Eve were so beautiful, how come that there are so many ugly people ?

→ When a store is open 24 hours a day and 365 days a year, why is there a lock on the door ?

→ When you are not supposed to drive a car when you have been drinking, why do bars have a parking lot ?

→ When swinning is good for the development of our arms and legs, why do fish not have arms and legs ?

→ Blackmail: “When you do not give me the raise I will tell everyone you did give me one.”

→ The black box of the plane is indestructible, why do they not make the plane of the same material ?

→ One out of 4 marriages ends in a divorce, what do the other marriages end in ?

→ How does the driver of a gritting vehicle go to work in the morning ?

→ How do you call a woman who looses 90% of her intelligence ??……………………………a widow !!!!!

→ Do they have a coffee break at the tea factory ?

→ Does a liar lies when he says he says he is telling a lie ?

→ What do you prefer in the hereafter?………..Smoking or non-smoking area.

→ Where are the first 6 up’s ?

→ Why does a kamikaze wear a helmet ?

→ Why does an answering machine never gives an answer when I ask something ?

→ Why do you always find one shoelon the streets ?

→ Why do we call apartements apartements when they are all connected to one another ?

→ Why can you buy sigarettes in a gaz station where it is forbidden to smoke ?

→ Why are you behind a computer, while in fact you are sitting in front of the screen ?

→ why are there life jackets in airplanes and no parachutes ?

→ What do the military do in a civil war ?

→ What is more easy for a man to make, a boy or a girl ? ………..a girl…..there is an example in front of him

→ What do sheep count when they want to sleep ?

→ What does a butterfly feel when he is in love?

→ What whish would stars make when they saw falling people.

→ Who invented milking cows and what did he think when he started doing it ?