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Food Facebook Status

→ thinks chocolate is cheaper than therapy and you don’t need an appointment.

→ thinks it’s inappropriate for Sea World to have a seafood restaurant.

→ Never make eye contact while eating a banana.

→ will not be responsible for her actions if she doesn’t get some chocolate soon

→ I havent put weight on, my clothes have shrunk 🙂

→ Note to vegetarians: My food poops on your food. Enjoy that salad!

→ is now on two diets…because he was still hungry after just one.

→ They say butterflies taste with their feet. What are your thoughts on this?

→ I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

→ The first sip of a hot beverage is always the scariest sip.

→ Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.

→ Chocolate contains phenylthylamine, the chemical your brain produces when you fall in love. No love? Eat chocolate!

→ Might buy a junkyard just to grow my own junk food.

→ What`s worse than finding a worm in the apple you just took a bite from?? . . ~ Finding only half of the worm!!

→ When you`re stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate, and sweets.. Why? Because `Stressed` spelled backwards is `Desserts` 🙂

→ I`m not hungry. But, I am bored. Therefore, I shall eat. Story of every person`s life.

→ LIKE if you can`t tell the difference between coke & pepsi.

→ “ughh I`m so full”..”who wants dessert?”..”MEEE!!!”

→ There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note, “Don’t eat me.” Now there’s an empty plate and a note, Don’t tell me what to do.

→ really doesn`t get why people like brunch. What`s the benefit of combining break-dancing and lunch?

→ Okay, can someone please invent the opposite of a microwave. I need my beer cold, now. And no, the freezer is not fast enough 🙂

→ [D]id [I] [E]at [T]hat 🙂

→ I like carrots. Go vitamin C!

→ Me:The world can`t end in 2012. Someone:Really?Why? Me:My snack bar doesn`t expire until 2013!

→ The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.

→ Screw you recommended serving size. You don`t know me.

→ # Dinner guests coming over later and I got nothing. Does anyone know how to turn beef jerky back into steaks?

→ When I hear myself eating crunchy food, I wonder if other people can hear it too.

→ You can`t buy happiness.but you can buy ice cream,which is kinda the same thing (;

→ Dear Fridge, I will be back in 35 minutes, please go shopping. Sincerely, Hungry as hell!

→ You cannot taste me, until you undress me. Sincerely, banana.

→ Screw you recommended serving size. YOU don`t know me!

→ I`m not hungry. But, I am bored. Therefore, I shall eat… 😀

→ Everything sucks………………………………………..except FOOD !!!! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

→ Coffee is the drink of life!

→ Accomplishing things before the microwave hits 00:00.

→ I hate when its quiet and your eating something crunchy.

→ Going to: ❒ Paris ❒ New York ❒ London ✔ KITCHEN, Im hungry

→ Just finished my 6 minute upper body workout-it was pretty easy:arm down,pick up food,arm up,put food in mouth, switch arms 🙂 

→ Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

→ I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.

→ Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems…but then again, neither does milk.

→ Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy!

→ If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

→ I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

→ Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

→ Ham and Eggs: A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

→ Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it’s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

→ Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive?

→ Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.

→ What is a commitee? It is a group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.

→ Sweet and sour chicken; how can it be both? Come on…let’s get real, China.

→ Dear whoever decides when breakfast is over at McDonald’s, F*CK YOU.

→ “After five guys I feel like a bad person,” doesn’t sound right even though I’m referring to a cheeseburger with fries.

→ I wonder how we know to eat eggs,did someone say”see that chicken over there, Im going eat the 1st thing that comes outta its butt”

→ Just say no to popcorn flavored jelly beans.

→ The food pyramid tastes better turned upside down.

→ Only in America would they name a State after a bucket of fried chicken.

→ Eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.

→ I’m so glad McDonalds doesn’t sell Hot Dogs…can’t imagine ordering a “McWeiner” and don’t get me started on “super size”

→ Whenever I’m depressed I like to cut myself… a nice big piece of cake.

→ Remembers back when Blackberry’s and Apple’s were still just fruit..

→ What do people in China call their good dishes?

→ If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesn’t that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie?

→ Part of me says I can’t keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, “Don’t listen to that guy. He’s drunk.”

→ Macaroni would be nothing if it weren’t for cheese. Cheese, on the other hand, doesn’t need macaroni to stay pimp. I think we all know who wears the pants in the macaroni and cheese relationship.

→ This salad tastes like lettuce

→ It’s not going the wrong way down a one-way street if your the only one on it.

→ I wonder how many fries are eaten every year between the drive thru window and the parking lot exit.

→ Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

→ Think about what you’re about to type… Is it sad? If so, stop because nobody but you cares.

→ So Lady Gaga went to the VMA’s last year dressed as meat, on sunday at the Grammy’s she went in an egg. Two more red carpet events and she could be a Denny’s GRAND SLAM!

→ My phone has more apps than contacts.

→ Pics or it didn’t happen

→ Dear roommate: stop blocking the beer in the fridge with all your yogurt

→ Lawsuit claims Taco Bell tacos only 35% real beef. Think I speak for all of us when I say wow that much?

→ Vegas Day 3: I saw a man try to pay a hooker in poker chips; she made the same face you make when you order a Coke and the waitress says they only have Pepsi.

→ “Hey, there’s food on the ground. Let’s go.” “No way, it hasn’t been 5 seconds yet.” -germs

→ Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.

→ I just saw a homeless guy wearing a shirt that said “that’s Mr. Bum to you.”

→ Eating Ramen Noodles with a spoon is like going the speed limit, sounds like a good idea but won’t get you very far.

The most painful & worst possible types of goodbyes, are the ones that are never said, or never even explained

→ I’m so hungry I even ate all the yellow Starbursts

→ “Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”

→ warning: this status update was produced in a plant that also produces peanuts.

→ Pouring milk on Doritos and pretending it’s cereal isn’t as good of an idea as I thought it would be.

→ Why even get a cake if you don’t plan on eating it

→ Dear bread, I’m hot, turned on, and want you inside me. Sincerely, the toaster.

→ I hate it when you drink water and the ice attacks your face.

→ If you FILLED the glass to the halfway point, it’s half full. If you poured some OUT to get it there, it’s half empty

→ I love the dominos pizza tracker, it helps me determine when I should start salivating

→ Are we having some drinks, or are we havin’ some DRANKS? I need to dress appropriately.

→ So I made a sandwich, and I ate it.

→ Yay, it’s almost swimsuit season! Now I will have to find a way to make my mu-mu look super special

→ If your fountain soda machine is self serve, I’m just going to assume I get unlimited refills.

→ I feel like I need two bank accounts. One for the sober, responsible me that pays bills and and buys organic food. And another for drunk me that tips 75% at the bar and orders pizza on-line.

→ You know, they put so many flashing lights on police vehicles nowadays that whenever I see one I start craving cotton candy and funnel cakes.

→ If you are what you eat, I’m dead meat.

→ All this eating is getting in the way of my disorder.

→ I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”

→ Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

→ I walked into my doctor’s office and said,”Doctor, I’ve eaten something that disagrees with me.” A voice from inside my stomach said, “No, you haven’t.”

→ Cows should really stop putting “delicious” on their resumes.

→ Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.

→ The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.