Put Downs Quotes Status SMS
→ You do sure have a lot of Well-wishers. They’d all like to throw you down one…
→ Somebody said to me that you ain’t fit to sleep with the pigs. Well, I stuck up for the pigs.
→ I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception
→ I hear you’re connected to the Police Department – by a pair of handcuffs…
→ Shouldn’t you have a license for being that ugly?
→ I heard when you were a child your Mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.
→ Why don’t you just open your mind and shut your mouth, both are empty anyway.
→ I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late!→ You must be an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
→ Everybody has a photographic memory. You simply don’t have the film.
→ You’re about as good lookin as a cross between the Elephant Man and a Pitbull Terrier..
→ You! Off my planet!
→ See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
→ Just out of curiosity, are your parents siblings?
→ Whilst every girl has the right to be ugly, you seem to have abused that privelige!
→ You’re the kind of man that is a blueprint for building an idiot.
→ I’d like to leave you with one thought…unfortunately I ain’t sure you have anywhere to put it!
→ Yeah, yeah, keep talking, someday you might say something intelligent.
→ Sure, I’d love to help you out…now, which way did you come in?
→ Excuse me, is that your nose, or are you eating a Banana?
→ When you were born, did they let your Mother out of her cell?
→ You’re so bent you make roundabouts look straight!
→ I’ve seen better hands on a leper!
→ This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
→ You’ve got more chins than a Chinese phone book!
→ I’ve come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.
→ You’re a habit I’d like to kick — with both feet.
→ So now we know why some mammals eat their children…
→ His mouth is a no-go area. It’s like kissing the Berlin Wall
– Helena Bonhem Carter on Woody Allen
→ There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
– Henry Kissinger
→ He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.
→ A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstien, but with the attention span of Daffy Duck.
– Tom Shale on Robin Williams
→ If I found her floating in my pool, I’d punish my dog.
– Joan Rivers on Yoko Ono
→ God does not play dice with the universe.
– Albert Einstien
→ She is as wholesome as a bowl of cornflakes and at least as sexy.
– Dwight McDonald on Doris Day
→ If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
– President Harry S Truman
→ Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
– W C Fields
→ He had the compassion of an icicle and the generosity of a pawnbroker.
– S J Perelman on Groucho Marx
→ Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.
– Abbey Hoffman
→ Who picks your clothes – Stevie Wonder?
– Don Rickles
→ Breasts like Granite and a brain like Swiss Cheese
– Billy Wilder on Marilyn Monroe
→ The thief of bad gags.
– Walter Winchell on Milton Berne
→ I’ve noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born
– Ronald Reagan
→ He’s proof that there’s life after death.
– Mort Sahl on Ronald Reagan
→ The only genius with an IQ of 60.
– Gore Vidal on Andy Warhol
→ He’s so ugly they ought to donate his face to the world wildlife fund.
– Muhammad Ali on Joe Frazier
→ She’s so stupid she returns bowling balls because they’ve got holes in them.
– Joan Rivers on Bo Derek
→ For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
– Bob Wells
→ Can’t act. Slightly bald. Can dance a little.
– Screen Tester on Fred Astaire
→ An empty suit that goes to funerals and plays golf.
– Ross Perot on Dan Quayle
→ Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper.
– Rex Reed on Marlon Brando
→ He could start a row in an empty house
– Sir Alex Ferguson on footballer Dennis Wise
→ When Kissinger can get the Nobel Peace Prize, what is there left for satire?
– Tom Lehrer on Henry Kissinger
→ Shaw writes his plays for the ages, the ages between five and twelve.
– George Nathan on George Bernard Shaw
→ He is to acting what Liberace was to pumping iron.
– Rex Reed on Sylvester Stallone
→ What makes him think a middle aged actor, who’s played with a chimp, could have a future in politics?
– Ronald Reagan commenting on Eastwood’s bid to become mayor of Carmel
→ Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.
→ A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
→ Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
→ He’s a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.
→ Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
→ One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl.
→ Not the brightest bulb on the Xmas tree
→ A donut short of being a cop
→ A few feathers short of a whole duck.
→ From the British Army? Are you sure you’re not from the Salvation Army?
→ Which village is missing its idiot?.
→ A Titanic intellect … In a world full of icebergs
→ A few clowns short of a circus
→ A few beads short in her rosary.
→ As a failure, you are a great success.
→ You would be out of your depth in a car park puddle.
→ As bright as Alaska in December.
→ He’s several sausages short of a barbecue. If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate.
→ He’s so dense, light bends around him
→ She’s one tit short of an udder
→ He’ll be doing joined up writing next
→ Whose brain will be donated to science and rejected?
→ He’s a day late and a dollar short.
→ All Preparation, no H
→ College letters other than I.O.U
→ The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t anywhere in sight
→ You should request a refund from your university.
→ Who’s several apples short of a bunch?
→ Whose doughnut is out of jam?