The Largest Collection of Funny Quotes, Facebook Status, Funny SMS, Whatsapp Status & Tweets

Men Facebook Status

→ Why isn`t there some cheap and easy way to prove how much she means to me?

→ Wouldn`t it be good if Ctrl+Alt+Del worked for ex girlfriend

→ I-L-O-V-E-Y-O-U has eight letters, but baby, so does B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T…

→ Men want the same thing from our underwear that we want from women: A little bit of support, and a bit of freedom and no shit.

→ was just called a “Big Boy”… She obviously has X-Ray vision…

→ Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

→ it`s Very easy to sacrifice for a girl , but it`s difficult to find a girl deserve sacrificing

→ If more males would stand up and be men, then more females would sit down and be ladies

→ Behind every great woman,there is a guy looking at her ass 😀

→ I`ve just moved you to the top of my ” To do list” 😉

→ “If more males would stand up and be men, then more females would sit down and be ladies”

→ You like sleeping? Me too! We should do it together sometime.

→ Sometimes I wish you could understand what I feel through the way I look at you that I never had guts to say.

→ I`m single – you`re going to have to be pretty amazing to change that.

→ “I`ll bite you!” “No, you won`t!” *Bite* “AAGGHH! You bit me!” “I did warn you…”

→ there is no such thing as a good girl. A good girl is just a bad girl who hasn`t been caught yet .

→ Today I came across a book that said “All the things men know about woman”, it was blank inside.

→ When your single, you see all the happy couples, when your in a relationship, you see the happy single`s

→ Boys like blondes. Men like brunettes.

→ If women think they aren`t meant to cook, then why do they have milk and eggs inside them?

→ Why`s NASA never sent a woman to the Moon? Because it doesn`t need cleaning yet.

→ part of me thinks I should clean the house, The other part thinks I should settle down and get a wife…

→ Once a man asked a fairy to make him irresistible to all women..
The fairy turned him into a credit card.. 😉

→ Girls find out everything. I advise you to not lie to them.

→ “Is that your ex?” “No, that`s the biggest mistake of my life.”

→ A true Girlfriend wouldn`t ask her boyfriend to throw away his Xbox, she`d sit by him trying to learn it!

→ When guys get jealous, it’s actually kinda cute. When girls get jealous, World War III is about to start!

→ If she`s dumb enough to walk away, Be smart enough to let her go!

→ Don`t you hate it when…a really hot girl on Facebook has only 5 pictures!!!

→ My wife said “Honey, take me someplace expensive.” I took her to the gas station!

→ A smile is the best make up any girl could wear 🙂

→ Girls are like phones. they love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you`ll be disconnected!

→ Set me free. Leave me be. I don`t wanna fall another moment into your gravity.

→ Never underestimate the power of a woman.

→ When a girl says “whatever”, she really means; I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark,and then eaten by it.

→ The secret of being a great man = having a great woman who supports you all the time!

→ Men are all alike – except the one you`ve met who`s different..

→ Guys, when you`re with your girl, focus on her. Never stare at other girls.

→ Girls find out everything… so I suggest you tell them the truth. (:

→ I hate when girls take ugly pictures and tag people in them.

→ Treat your girl right, or someone else will.

→ She acts like summer and walks like rain.

→ Best line which help you save money when going on restaurents with your girlfriend – So what`s you gonna eat Fatty ??

→ When a person is really into you, he or she will always find a way to have time with you.. NO EXCUSES.

→ There are two kinds of secrets: 1. Those we keep from others. 2. Those we hide from ourselves.

→ When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when an boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.

→ Worlds Shortest Joke: 2 women were sitting quietly…

→ Girls biggest lie: I`m OK.

→ The Awkward Moment… When a girl sees a shirt, and decides to wear it as a dress.

→ When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there`s a reason 🙂

→ I hate to tell you, but girl, you`re faker than Monopoly money…

→ Dear Girls, remember catching a husband is an art; to hold him is a job.

→ Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age, but will kill you if you forget their birthday`s 🙂

→ Guys: When she`s not yours, you`ll do everything you can to get her. But when you do have her, you take everything for granted.

→ If a girl is shopping she`s trendy, if boy is shopping he`s wasting money.

→ one day you`ll realize…all the love that i gave to you…is now being given to someone else

→ Treat her with respect. Accept her for who she is. Make her feel safe and protected. Be her best friend.

→ I`m a boy. I don`t smoke, drink, or party every weekend. I don`t sleep around or start drama to get attention. Yes, we still do exist.

→ Girls, being beautiful doesn’t make you nice. Being nice makes you beautiful!

→ A female can be your best friend, worst enemy, or your worst nightmare…It all depends on how you treat her!

→ Any boy can make a PROMISE, but it takes a MAN TO KEEP ONE.

→ Three words a boyfriend will never heard from his girlfriend -“You Are Right”

→ a man is never careful until he buys a new car and a white shirt.

→ Never underestimate a girl`s ability to find things out.

→ 3 dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks.To be as rich as his child believes.To have as many women as his wife suspects

→ Some words of advice to men: Treat women the same way you would want your daughter to be treated.

→ When girls get jealous, it`s normal. But, when boys get jealous, lucky the girl he loves.

→ I honestly think that women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.

→ A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that , is the beginning of a new argument.

→ Some women are terribly hard to please, … . . . . . the rest are Impossible

→ You are too beautiful to be crying over that jerk!

→ Girls are like butterflies, they are so pretty and beautiful to look at, but really hard to catch.

→ My girlfriend says that I treat her like a child, So I gave her a sticker for standing up for her self.

→ It`s not easy putting on a fake smile… Yet she`s a pro at it.

→ Don`t take too much time to text her back.. It makes her feel you`re talking to someone more important than her.

→ Girls Are Like Police. Once They Get Hold Of All The Evidences, They Still Want To Hear The Truth From You.

→ Words that spoiled many boys` life . . . …. . “Dude she`s looking at you.”

→ Make your girlfriend happy by telling those 3 words every women loves to hear ” Here`s my Wallet”

→ A boy makes his girl jealous of other women. A gentleman makes other women jealous of his girl.

→ If a girl cries, there may be thousand reasons. But if a boy cries, there is only one reason: “GIRL”

→ Dude, if she worries about you, she cares. But when she stops caring, that`s when you should be worried.

→ Dude, if she worries about you, she cares. But when she stops caring, that`s when you should be worried.

→ You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon’. Need I say more?

→ Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

→ Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.

→ You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.

→ I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always

→ Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.

→ If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.

→ I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.

→ Men are like mascara, they usually run at the first sign of emotion.

→ There was a man who said, “I never knew what happiness was until I got married…and then it was too late!”

→ Married men live longer than single men, but they’re a lot more willing to die.

→ If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

→ If all men are the same, why do women take so long to choose one ?

→ Men are like parking spots , all the good ones are taken and the ones left ain’t worth a damn

→ At my age, actions creak louder than words.

→ Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles.


→ I don’t have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.

→ If a man is alone in the forest, and he says something, and there’s no woman there to disagree with him. Is he still wrong?

→ I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

→ Men are like lottery tickets. Very exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.

→ Isn’t this the guy that slept with your wife?

→ How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

→ It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man