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Kid Facebook Status

→ Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

→ If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

→ You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.

→ Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

→ I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

→ If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?

→ Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot.

→ Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him “Sum Ting Wong”.

→ Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the drive before it has stopped snowing.

→ A child’s greatest period of growth is the month after you’ve purchased new school clothes.

→ Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or faq’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

→ I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

→ Children are natural mimics who act like their parents, despite every effort to teach them good manners.

→ It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.

→ When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I’d tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn’t obey.

→ Parent, “Because I said so.” Child, “Whatever.” Grandma, “Bingo!”

→ How many times can you play “I’m a Barbie Girl” on the jukebox before the whole bar gets pissed? (So far, it isn’t 3 times.)

→ 9 out of 10 kids named Jeeves probably grow up to be butlers.

→ knows kids in front of cars cause accidents and accidents in the back of cars cause kids

→ y’all need to hide your kids, hide your wife and hide your husband cuz I’m rapin err’body out here.

→ My 7 year old nephew just asked my age and when I replied 20 he said “oh, well maybe when you’re 21 you’ll get boobies…”

→ I want kids. I have chores to assign.

→ When I was a kid I had to blow into my video games to get them to work.

→ Kids shouldn’t be sad. Ever. That’s what your adult life is for.

→ I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up . . . cause, you know . . . I’m still looking for ideas