Naughty Quotes Status SMS
→ Management Lesson
You spent 100% income on your wife and get 10% satisfaction.
on the other hand
You spent 10% income on your girlfriend and get 100% satisfaction.
your money, your decision.
→ Mallika’s T-shirt had a picture of a CAR MIRROR on it. Guess,what was written on it..Objects behind d mirror r larger than they appear
→ A Short thing
It gets Longer
when U hold it
N pass between
N enters into
What is it?
1 min 2 think!
Car Seat Belt
U dirty mind.
→ Girl: If you get a chance,
will you marry me.?
Boy: If I get chance,
why would I marry.
→ He came 2 me 1 nite
explored my body
& had his fill
wen satisfied he left…
I was hurt…
U Dirty Mind
→ Define, Biology and sociology?
If new born baby looks like his father it is biology,
if he looks like his neighbor than it is called sociology
→ A couple had a fight one night.
When they were going to bed,
“Good night mother of 3 kids”.
“Good night Father of none”
→ Five rules of girls
1: Love me but don’t touch me
2: Touch me but don’t kiss me
3: Kiss me but don’t use me
4: Use me but don’t forget me
5: Forget me but don’t tell to anyone!
→ Skin meets Skin
When is that
the skin meets skin,
hair meets hair
n balls disappear..
u BLINK UR EYES
→ Mom: Why are you pregnant?
Daughter: This is our project in college about “Miracle of Life”
Mom: Tell me who is he?
Daughter:I don’t know, it was a group project
→ When a man talks dirty 2 a women, its sexual harassment,
when a women talks dirty 2 a man, its $$$ per minute!
→ What’s the geographical definition of love?
It’s an action done by Pol-land
into Hol-land between Thai-land,
occasionally with a little help from Greece!
→ Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Boy: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.
→ Buy a scooty,
pick a beauty,
drink a frooty,
take her to ooty,
remove her nighty,
do ur duty,
after 9 month get a cuty
→ Teacher: why are you late?
Student: My dad told me to take our cow to bull.
Teacher(Angrily): Can’t your dad to it?
Student: No, only BULL can do it.
→ Tragedy of man’s life
Nice men are ugly,
good looking men are not nice,
good lookin nice men are married,
good lookin nice unmarried men are gay
→ One Boy To Another,
What Did You Do On Mother’s Day?
I Tried To Help Few Girls To Become A Mother
→ I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. =)
→ Do U know the full-form of COLLEGE
That’s why boys go to college regularlyv
→ A man was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered – waiting for autumn.
→ In order to get 100/100 in life,
a man requires 100% talent,
whereas a woman requires only 4% talent
& the remaining is only 36-24-36
→ A cat tries to get a sausage out of a river, but gets its paws wet, then it see a bigger one but falls in! MORAL OF STORY? The bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy!
→ Similarities of BRA & BAR.
1)Both have same alphabets.
2)Both are drinking zone.
3)Both have restricted time of opening & closing.
4)when both are opened men go crazy.
→ What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts. This is no ordinary blow job!
→ Son – I want a baby brother .
Mom – your dad is overseas.
When he comes back we will talk over it.
Son – why don’t you give him a surprise
→ A cat and a rooster sat by a lake, the cat fell in the lake, the rooster laughed! LESSON: when there’s a wet pussy, there’s a happy cock!
→ A young girl after her honeymoon
came fully exhausted and tired,
When her friends asked her what happened?
She replied :
When this 70 year old bastard told me
he has saved a lot from last 50 years,
“I thought It was MONEY”
→ A Sex expert was once asked whether a rape is possible while running. No, he replied, woman can run faster with her skirt up than a man with his pants down.
→ Teacher: What is the difference between
Call Girl, Girlfriend and Wife.??
Prepaid, Postpaid, Unlimited.
→ A man had “I LOVE YOU” tattooed on his dick. He went home and proudly showed his wife. “There you go again, trying to put words into my mouth”, she said.
→ A baby dog asks mama dog: How papa looks like.
Mama dog said: Your dad came from behind,
I do not have the chance to see his face carefully!”
→ There is only one perfect child
in the world and every mother has it.
There is only one perfect wife
in the world and every neighbour has it.
→ One day there was this naked man and elephant, the elephant looks at the naked man for a few seconds, ask the naked man, “HOW CAN YOU BREATH THROUGH THAT LITTLE THING?”
→ A Secretary came angrily out of boss cabin
colleague asked: What happened?
She replied: He asked me are you free tonight?
I said-yes & bastard give me 50 pages of work.
→ 1 day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, “Hey buddy, why are you doing that?” He said, “Because you came home early.”
→ Boy: I like the soft thing behind your braiz.
Boy: your heart.
Girl: I love the big thing between your two legs.
Girl: your bike..;-)
→ Do you like mathematics? If so, add a bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!
→ Difference between Problem , Talent and Kismat
Two boys love one girl = PROBLEM!
One boy love two girls = TALENT!
Two girls love one boy = Qismat!
→ A man was lost alone on an island.
One day he decide to build a wooden boat.
Suddenly a girl comes and
man used the wood for making bed.
Moral: A girl can change your aim! ;p
→ In a bar 1 Guy says 2 another
“I slept wid ur mom last nite”
D whole bar was waiting 4 d other Guy’s response.
→ He laughs & says, “Lets go home dad, U r drunk”
→ Dr: Mrs. Parveen, good news for you.
Girl : What do you mean by Mrs. Parveen ?
I am Miss. Parveen
Dr: Oh . !! sorry Miss. Parveen, Bad news for you. . !!
→ When an apple is green, its ready to pluck. When a girl in eighteen, she is ready to…
VOTE. You dirty mind, Elections are near, but I know what you were thinking.
→ YOU! I TRUSTED YOU SO MUCH &
YOUR BIG MOUTH IS NEVER SHUT!
WHY DID YOU TELL OTHERS MY SECRET?
YOU REALLY DISAPPOINTED ME!
PLEASE STOP TELLING EVERYBODY THAT I M SO CUTE
→ Boy (to girl): What’s there in between your legs?
Girl: Hell! And what’s there in between your legs?
Boy: A sinner, who wants to go to hell.
→ Father to son:
If You don’t pass your Exams this time
Dont call me DAD,
After some days……..
Father:How is your result?
Son:Sorry Bashir Saab.
→ Girl & Boy were having sex.
Girl: Darling, I want you to kiss my lips!
Boy: Sure, which 1 would you prefer first, lower lip or upper lip?
Girl: Middle lips, the ones right in the middle of my legs.
→ A notice in a factory for girl workers.
“If your skirt is long, protect yourself from machines at work..
If it is short,protect yourself from men at work”
→ Lady1: How come your husband is always home on time?
Lady2: I have made a simple rule. SEX will be at 9PM, whether you are here or not.
→ In a Hospital two Nurses were discussing
about the New Doctor..
1st Nurse: He Dresses very well.
2nd Nurse: And very Quickly too;->
→ Hey dude Congrats! Heard u got selected as the first male model for Whisper advertisement. Why should girls have all the fun.
→ An journalist to mallika sherawat: What is the first thing you do in the morning when you wake up?
Mallika: I go back to my home!
→ Boy 2 Girl: On which date we should marry?
Girl: 22 December!
Boy: Any special about it?
Girl: It is the longest night of the year.
→ Met a girl the other day who has a seashell tattooed on her inner thigh. It’s amazing, if you put your ear to it you can smell the sea!
→ Colour of underwear reflects your mood:
Red – Wild,
Black – Sexy,
Blue – Romantic,
Pink – Seductive
White – Calm,
Yellow – time to change your undrewear!
→ Q:Whats the difference between magnets and women
A: magnets have a positive side
→ Medical Science Says:
“Tight Clothing Slows Blood Circulation”
But the Truth is..
“Tighter The Woman’s Clothing,
Faster The Circulation Of MAN’s Bl0od” ;->
→ Mental anxiety,
Did you ever notice how all women problems begin with MEN!
→ Daughter: Mummy that man gave me 10 rupees to climb that tree.
Mother: Stupid !He wanted to see ur panty.
Daughter: I am clever I din’t wear any of them.
→ Which Part…
of a man’s body
has no bone
full of veins
and responsible 4
HEART!!! But i luv the way u think…
→ A dentist was caught raping a girl. Next day headline, “Dentist caught filling wrong cavity”.
→ In school canteen,
there was a basket of apples with a written note:
“don’t take more than 1, God is watching!”
A little further there was a box of choclates,
a naughty child wrote:
“Take as many as u want. God is watching the apples”
→ Wives r incoming calls,
Lovers r outgoing calls,
Aunties r Toll-free calls,
Callgirls r Roaming calls,
Neighbour girls r Missed Calls.
→ It’s short thing, gets longer when u hold it, and pass between women breasts, and enters into a hole. What is it?
Car Seat Belt, you dirty mind.