News Facebook Status
→ Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
→ I don’t necessarily agree with everything I say.
→ A politician will stand for what he thinks people will fall for.
→ Personally, I don’t believe the world owes me a living, although for the amount I make, an apology would be nice.
→ Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.
→ IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.
→ A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.
→ Only in America… do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
→ It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.
→ To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
→ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.
→ A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
→ Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
→ Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
→ On Columbus Day, we celebrate the discovery of places that have already been happily occupied for years.
→ I hope someone gets a pic of Lil Wayne on his way out high-fiving T.I. on his way in.
→ Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
→ I wonder what Lady Gaga will be for Halloween
→ The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.
→ It’s getting to point where I may just vote for the politician who calls my house the least.
→ If you’re one of those people who think the world is going to end in 2012, please send me all your stuff
→ In an elevator I like to pull out a picture of myself and ask people “have you seen this person?”
→ Okay, so you Republicans taking office, we all expect a complete economic turnaround in less than two years. Got it?
→ I still think Perez Hilton getting tasered would be the most watched YouTube video of all time.
→ Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn’t stop that murder.
→ I ask Google all the questions I’m too embarrassed to ask other people.
→ While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.
→ NETFLIX: ”New Arrivals” 6 years ago =|
→ Dad’s do not request your teenager to be friends. You will be denied, even though she has accepted over 850 random unknown requests from complete strangers.
→ I will no longer logon to my wives FB account and Like all the posts on my own profile. Apparently this is a no-no.
→ will try to suppress the urge to make a [email protected] comment on every post, picture or link from family members.
→ NASCAR Headlines: Jeff Gordon says he’s sick of being called a ‘pole sitter’. Asks NASCAR authorities to change it to ‘pole holder’.
→ research says laughter can lengthen your life and smoking shortens it. So, I always chuckle between puffs.
→ Did you hear they took away Lindsey Vonns gold medal? .. They gave it to Obama! Hes going downhill faster than anyone.
→ Breaking News: It’s really cold outside.
→ Dear two-faced person, I can’t to decide which face of yours to slap first.
→ We should throw a politician in jail every day for the next 10 years. Even if we don’t know why, they do.
→ The part of “no” that I don’t understand is the part where I don’t get what I want.
→ I just did the “out of toilet paper walk of shame”