Ideas for Facebook Status
is…
- too cool for school.
- constantly evolving.
- intelligently designing.
- the dude, playing the dude, disguised as another dude.
- a day late and a dollar short.
- eating a PB&J sammich.
- the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
- trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
- flossing with angel hair pasta.
- creatively disabled currently.
- preparing for a meeting with Chuck Norris. What should I WEAR??!?!
- watching some dude and some chick fight to tell someone else what not to wear.
- definitely not watching what not to wear.
- definitely not watching oprah.
- selling my roomates $hit on eBay.
- forcing my dog to learn how to google.
- teaching the cat how to be a ninja.
- about to mail my check for $1500 to nigeria for the $15million lottery i just won! Cya later SUCKAS!!
- watching every matrix followed by every star wars followed by every LOTR. Which incidentally adds up to exactly 24hours.
- snail mailing a snail. Just to say I did it.
- sexual healing.
- eating pizza but not the italian kind.. the taco bell kind.
- one day older than I was yesterday.
- crying for no particular reason other than the fact that my cat spontaneously combusted!
- happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.
- kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it.
- mediocre at best.
Has…
- zero tolerance for lactose intolerance.
- > $20 in my bank acct. Drinks on you homie.
- 20/20 hearing!
- a giant hangover octopus stuck to my head.
- run out of time on my parking meter.
- google’d and google’d until my little paws hurt.
- ninety nine problems however, a biotch is not currently one.
- just added a friend I don’t even know.
- noticed your mother has been calling me a lot, wondering whats that about?
- just bought a cadillac, throwing some D’s on that bitch.
- actually won the nigerian lottery!
- puked more than twice today.
- sold the dudes car who keep parking in my spot on eBay. SUCKA!!!
- made my car into a hybrid by siphoning gas out of your tank.
- noticed that your looking a little fat lately, you should really do something about that.
- seen pictures of you naked on the internet.
was…
- asleep until you just called me… ass!
- watching football when it just hit me, football is extremely gay.
- dancing with the stars.
- drunk dialing but luckily my mom stopped me. Thanks MADD (motha’s against drunk dialing)
- googling pop tarts. God I LOVE POP TARTS!
- snorting salt… Don’t, it stings.
- watching 2girls1cup and now i am puking.
- scouring youtube for the naked videos that somehow make it through.
- listening to the latest britney spears record…….. i mean… definitely not listening to britney spears.